Can people change? Can I?!

I've been wondering lately if people can change and if they do change. It's been bugging me a bit. I'm thinking mostly (selfishly) about me. I'm not perfect and I know no-one is, but it would be nice to be a bit better. I mean maybe more efficient, more charming, less lazy, more stylish, fitter, healthier, more conscientious, more motivated...

Thinking about it, I guess I should make the distinction between choosing to change and the inevitable and unintentional change of years living in one place or working in the same job. I'm really thinking about whether people can choose to be better; can chose to make a change. I'm not convinced it works that way. I don't think you can. Not hugely, anyway.

For example, I'd like to be more organised and waste less time so that things run more smoothly - at home and at work. Then I wouldn't forget to do things and I would potentially have more time to relax and read books and take photos and wotnot. To this end I foolishly bought a book. I can't remember the name now, but it was something like ' How to not waste time'. That was a month ago and I still haven't got around to reading it! Make your own mind up!

Also, every year I promise myself I will use a diary to remember stuff or I will do my marking everyday on the day the work was done, or I will get into a routine of doing the washing so I have a pair socks to wear on Monday. These promises never get kept - usually not even for a little bit of time. It's just instant failure. Should I then just accept my perceived inadequacies and go with the flow (which I'm currently leaning towards) or continue to try and make some changes to my character that may - or may not - have a positive impact on my 'quality of life'? If only I was efficient enough to have made this decision years ago!

Moving to New Zealand - Ridiculous and dangerous?!

I'm worried that the amount I think about moving to New Zealand is ridiculous and dangerous. Ridiculous because no-one should really think about anything this much, and dangerous because what if I get there and it just doesn't work out?! This is a very real possibility, although me and the wife will give it our best shot.

The reason I think about it so much is because newly married and not long turned 30, it's really about time life got going. By that, what I really mean is; having children, paying bills, buying a house, etc. I can't wait to have kids, and as scary as that is, it has always been the biggest ambition I have. That combined with finding and marrying the most wonderful woman I could ever dreamed of capturing means now is a good, great, perfect time to have some children. The thing is, I just can't picture it happening in the UK. I try, believe me. Just in case it would be better I picture myself and my significantly better half living with children in Birmingham, not Auckland. It seems okay and has it's benefits such as family nearby, good curry, and er, that's me out. Wow, I didn't think there was that little keeping me here...

On the other hand, I find it amazingly easy to picture life in Auckland. It comes into my head in a vivid selection of images ranging from teaching in a Kiwi school, taking the kids to the beach, eating out with friends, to cooking in the kitchen and even doing DIY. I know most of these will look different when they manifest themselves - here or there - and they may not be remotely realistic, but I still can't understand why the images are so vivid and detailed and positive when in New Zealand. What is that? Am I in for a disappointment? Will it really be any different? After all, NZ isn't perfect by any means. Should we try living in the UK first? Have a kid, and buy a house? But then it would be harder to go - a lot harder. It may not ever happen and then I would be forever thinking 'what if?'.